Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
