He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
