i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize