Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
