this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
