The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
