remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is classic penis vs brain.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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