It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
