That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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