If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
