i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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