He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
