Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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