I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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