I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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