I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize