i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
