He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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