please come you make the beer taste better
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
