Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
