After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
