you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
