in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
