just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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