you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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