We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
