I just pynch a tree in the face
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
