He is an equal opportunity slut.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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