I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
