That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
