..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
