I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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