so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
