I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
