He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
