I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize