I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
