My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize