I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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