So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
