You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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