So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love accidental penises.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
