My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
