Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize