Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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