She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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