I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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