im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
