I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize