i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
