You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
