dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
