My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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