Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
