are you still at the devil's house?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
