Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pooping to opera.
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