Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
