Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
