he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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