If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize