Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
