Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
