I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
