What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
