miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
