i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
