it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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