maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
