You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
