Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
