Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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