I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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