I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
