I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
