fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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