walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
