I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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