how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
