two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
