im drinking this country out of the recession.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
