your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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