I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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