Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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