Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
