i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
