Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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