I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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