So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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