just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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