You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
