my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
