I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
