Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
