All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
