My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
