States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Found your dick twin last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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