she woke up with a sticky ear
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
