Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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