I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
