The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
