You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
