I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
