umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
