Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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