Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is Oprah even human
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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