i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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