living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
